Last post 'fore I leave for summer.

So the audition.

I think it was alright. Not sure if it was good or bad or anything. Guess I'll know next Tuesday and I can decide if I'll get a tattoo to celebrate or go on a multiple-week misery journey and try to figure out what to do.

As I'm cleaning and packing now I found out how dirty a room can actually get after 6 months of absolutely NO cleaning at all. Kind of fun. I start to wonder if my luggage will be overweight or something. Let's all hope it won't, hmm? But the bus+train ride tomorrow is going to be hell- there is absolutely no fucking way I can take all my shit around on public transport without annoying either myself or somebody else. Yes, I can take a cab. But it is gonna cost me money, no? So I guess I won't. And let's hope I won't forget to take out money tomorrow at the airport. I better write it down on my arm honestly.

Flights. In a way I am not too fond of flights. Short ones are fine, as long as I don't have to switch flights for a 100 times. Long ones could be torturing especially when even the movies start to get boring. I hope they'll show Ice Age 2 or something. Tee-hee. Ugh. Actually there aren't much to write. Not even about the audition. There weren't that many interesting things. Well, I was the only guy in my group. That was a bit awkward. I'll see what goes on in the coming few weeks.

Some of you will, too.

Heute versuche ich auf deutsch schreiben.

Die Mythologieprüfung hatte ich heute. Sicher bin ich, dass sie war nicht zu böse. Ich ist nicht die letzte Vorlesung (?) geganganen, aber ich habe die Powerpoint-präsentation von der Professor gelesen, und es habe die Fragen dieses Jahr gegeben. Ich glaube, dass alles aber ich nach der vorlesung die gewusst habe. Hatte ich viel glück, weil ich nie seine Präsentationen lese. Na ja, dann ich habe die antworten den MC Fragen auch gewusst. Ach, was noch habe ich getan? Nichts, ich glaube. Die Sackpfeife-thingy ist noch nicht hier. Ich weiß nicht, was passiert ist. Hoffentlich kommt die vor 18th. Hoffentlich. Ugh, ich habe etwas kein Geld in meiner 'Essenkarte'- das meint, dass ich ausessen muss. (Does the word ausessen exist actually?)

I am pretty sure I messed some grammar up. Especially word order and the occasional trial to use the genitive case which I haven't learnt and probably won't (at least in class- don't think I will take german courses next semester). Well at least I tried. Probably I'll get myself a dictionary and then go on reading my German book myself and keep myself from forgetting what I have learnt.

All thee who master the throat crashing European tongue, I beseech (?) you, fear not of anything for I myself make solemn requsts for generous corrections of the humble attempt of mine.

All of you who do speak proper english can also correct the weird paragraph above.

So... I'm pretty much just bored, honestly. Maybe I should just watch Trainspotting for the ten balouzavillionth time. Ah. Time to practise juggling a bit.

Unproduvtive, no?

Been doing minimal studying today and yesterday. Spend the whole day yesterday starting a new play named temporarily 'fairies dancing on the lawn'. This is a play of quite different style from what I usually think of/actually write down. Apparently it's inspired by the newspaper clipping I posted before. It's more like a tragedy with a slight touch of children's story. I will see how this goes- I might even blend in old ideas and half finished plays into that play 'cause it indeed would make sense no matter what I put in 'fairies'. Would be interesting to finish and polish that play.

Something happened today. Holding my key, I anxiously force it into the keyhole with my shaking, half-awake, nicotine craving hands. Crush crash chuh. It's in. I took a deep breath and whispered, 'bitte, bitte!' Then came a little squeak from the lock itself and I pulled the little metal door of my mailbox. It looked like a hollow cave. It is one indeed- no little slip telling me that I got a package. i.e. the practise goose (the bagpipe thingy) still hasn't come yet. Well, there are always tomorrows, I suppose.

Speaking of tomorrow, I'll have my exam. Can't wait. Actually it's in 10 and a half hours. 0830 tomorrow. Just want to get that gods raping people and endless repetitive violent scenes out of my head. Vittu experienced how severe my case of mythology-information overload is. A bunch of names and events. A pile of them.

Fairies do dance on the lawn, I tell you.

Spare a minute and read this.

'Did you ever see fairies dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that's no proof that they are not there.'

Clickety click to enlarge.

I play mouse,

and all the mythology readings play cat. How rare that I am willing to play something other than a cat.

I don't understand my room. It is never lit properly after 3pm. It is usually too dim for even reading. Even in Spring. The petty light mounted on the wall of my room gives literally yellow light. Like an ERS without gels at 30. Or at most like one with a yellow gel at 70. I am not kidding. So a couple months ago I actually went to IKEA and got a desklamp. That things is bright and looks fancy. I kind of like it. But the beam is way too focused so it basically makes the pages look brighter than the sun. Right, move away from the lamp a bit, eh? I said the beam is WAY too focused and I am not kidding. And for some reasons everything outside my window absorbs and reflect light at all the wrong times. It's not like I've got a spectacular view anyway. I can only see the next residence building. Happy that I probably don't have to live in this room anymore.

So the campus has gone pretty quiet. Not that I have been around much these days- got readings to catch up with. Today I got sort of irritated by Odeipus though. The play is unneccessarily hideously long and boring, filled with exaggerated and loose chorus lines. Don't recall doing anything else except that. Probably I will read some other tragedies later on. Probably not.

Remember the practise bagpipe thing I talked about? It still hasn't arrived. Don't know what the fuck is wrong with that ebay seller who claims to be in Canada, but the thing hasn't arrived 20 days after the payment went through. Liar. What if I don't get the thing before I leave? I want my new toy (but then it's not like I will have time to fiddle with it until summer...)!

Information overload. I mean, mythology overload. It can be pleasant when one's reading a good translation of the Iliad or the Odyssey. But not those rather dull Greek tragedies. Can't wait until Thursday. I just want the thing done and done for (I don't even know if that means anything).

Still learning how to juggle.

I was reading through blogs and whatnot- I realize I do can understand people's writing styles by now. Of course the layout of blogs do help, but I rarely pay attention to it anyway.

How much scattered, unrelated info am I going to give in this post?

Somehow, just somehow I miss a few moments in my acting class a lot. No, I don't really care to elaborate. I can assure you though, no wild hot sexual fantasies or mad violent fights are included. Just gentle, still moments and yet so alive and powerful. The moments that I am actually living in the present.

Boy I started to enjoy the present? That's strange.

For a moment I wanted to delete everything in this post and squeeze a wannabe clever and deep post out of my hair instead.

I haven't touched anything containing alcohol for... more than a week at least. Strange. I'm running out of tobacco too.

'Stop the song, and remember what you used to be-
Somebody that fucking impressed me.'

From 'The Bright Young Things'. I can see so many people singing (actually, in the song, whispering) that line to me. Just so many.

I like trees with human heads. I know, I know, bad shadowing and perspective and all those stuff. It's not like I know what those things mean anyway. Don't worry folks, I don't have too many doodlings left. I, in contrary to believes, am not that unfocused in classes. Afterall 3 our of 4 classes of mine needed quite a lot of attention. Which is the 4th one? The one that has a final exam, of course- a collection of fairy tales about how gods cheat on each other, get angry with, take revenge on, rape and trick mortal beings.

Alrighty. I found out my exam's actually on the 13th, not the 12th. One extra day for me.

Nothing interesting at all these days. A lot of readings, a lot of improvs and explorations in my own room on the monologue for my audition.

Untitled

"Hi, I'm a troubled young tree, is your name tree-hugger?"

Another piece of doodling. Spring seems to be coming finally. It's not like I've been especially looking forward to it or something. In a way I dislike warmer weather for some unknown reasons. It's the time of the year again. Spring, finals and all that. It is funny how I clearly understand the situation I am in, that I should at least start catching up my mythology reading and give my monologue for the audition a good thought, but I am still not really doing anything. I guess my productive period has passed already. I suppose I used it for my essays and such. Probably one more extra stress shot is needed, as I pretty desperately need to finish up those two unfinished business with grace.

I don't know how I feel about the last acting class today. It felt a little bit weird, like a mini version of RCN graduation. I guess you all understand acting classes are a little bit different from, say, a biology class. People do open up and get closer than in normal classes, and I know it will be unlikely to bump into the people I would like to meet again unelss we both/all (audition for and) get into the program. Honestly I am not extremely close to my classmates, after all I'm an easy-to-approach-hard-to-get-to-know person. It does take time for me to let people try to guess the password for opening the blue cocoon's door. I for sure would like to keep in contact with them though, it's been a lovely semester starting to get to know them and working with them. Sad that some of them are not auditioning for the (theatre) program. It would be lovely to be working with them in the future (that is, if I get into the program myself).

Sometimes my mind is stuck on thinking about certain important (or not) issues, just like moths stuck to lamps at night. They just won't leave the lamps alone till both the moths and the lamp burn out in the morning and die, no? There is a chance that the moths just get toasted by the lamp before they realize they have been staying too close. Which one am I? I cannot even tell. The moth which hangs on till the end, dies exhausted but satisfied. That is what I want to be if I was a moth and there happens to be a lamp for me to approach. But in fact I might just be kidding myself. What makes me so determined and skillful that I won't fall and join the ranks of the ones which land on the lamps and immediately get flamed before they realize anything?

Lockpickers, thieves, tree-huggers, gardeners are welcome. Once you get through the threshold, inside the blue cocoon there is a lot for you to take care of.

Please don't let me hit the ground

it says: Up, down, turn around; please don't let me hit the ground
and along the wings: and I've never met anyone quite like you before

Nach der Deutscheprüfung habe ich dieses Bild gemalt. Ich weiß nicht, warum ich habe das gemalt, aber ich glaube, dass es ist ein schönes Bild. Na ja, ich male selten ein gutes Bild, und vielleicht das ist entweder nicht gut.

Anyway. Enough with bad German. Maybe I will try to write as often in German as possible, so that I won't forget it- I am done with my German course basically, and I don't see myself having extra money or time doing higher level German courses in the future, that is, if I get into the theatre program in SFU and will return after summer.

Please don't let me hit the ground. Bitte, ich will nicht fallen. Nie. I don't care whatever life I will have, as long as it is related to theatre, just don't close every door to me. Don K. (a theatre prof) came to our acting class on Tuesday and talked about the audition stuff. Around 30-40 people audition for it, and at most 20 people will get the offer. The have even taken only 12 people. Ha. What if, what if the hard reality strikes me on my wings and I just, you know, fall and keep falling. Bam. Stuck on the ground. It is crazy that they only want a (strictly) one minute monologue- I mean, how much about myself I can show within one minute? Moreover the monologue I've been working on in my acting class can take, ugh, forever. Time to think about either cutting it or take a bold risk and choose another one and make it good within 12 days. Oh I do am worried. Have I ever worried that much about something before? Yes for sure I do, it was not even long ago. But this time, I mean it is... whatever. If it is going to happen, it will. If not, then tja. There isn't really anything to worry about I guess.

Seems like I have been writing about this a lot. Let me try to talk about something else, eh?

So I managed to watch Jim Jarmusch's Coffee and Cigarettes within one run. Usually I either don't have time (although the movie's barely over 90 minutes) or I fall asleep. The movie is... awkward. Full of awkward encounters of two or three people, somehow full of realism that sometimes nothing extraordinarily interesting happens in life. Towards the end of the movie there were two parts that I have no memory of (I think I have watched the other parts for a thousand times). One is the part with Rza and Gza (or something) and Bill Murray. That part just... it was sort of a 'hey, wake up and chuckle' thing- the movie is pretty slow paced I have to say. Then the last, last segment: Champagne. It was HEAVY. DAMN heavy. I can assure you it is actually the best part of the movie. It features two old guys, supposed to be workers of some sort, having a coffee break. Both of them are OLD. I forgot their names but I am sure I have seen them in other places before (Coffee and Cigarettes feature pretty famous people- Bill Murray, Jack & Meg White, Iggy Pop, Tom Waits, Kate Blanchett (Galadriel from Lord of the Rings), Alfred Molina (the guy in Chocolat)...). Anyway that's not the point. In that Champagne segment, one guy suddenly suggested they should pretend the disgusting coffee they have to be Champagne, and they should act like high class people and celebrate things. After a little exchange of dialogue, the other finally agreed to do so. They were both toasting to the good old days that they remember and such. It was sad enough. Then after the toast was done, the older guy (who suggested the pretending thing) said sth like 'now I have to take a nap. Wake me up when the (coffee) break... is... over...' The other guy told him that, he has only 2 minutes left and snapped his fingers, trying to wake him up. ... the sequence afterwards was powerful:

- close-up shot of the fingers.
- close-up shot of the man sleeping, with weak breathing
- zoom out slowly to:(I think, or maybe simply cut to:)
- the two men sitting on either ends of the square table. No response from the 'sleeping' man.

It was not said if he actually was dead or not... but it's not hard to assume so. After playfully and happily toasting for the good old days with a friend and then peacefully go back to the good old days. Poetic. Tragic. Beautiful.

What was the point of this post anyway? Oh yes, to show off my doodling on my notebook. More to come actually.

Anyway- I shall either sleep or think about how I can cut the monologue down to one minute. I have 12 days. Wish me luck or something. Usually I say things will be fine somehow in the end. This time... I don't know. I do need some divine help I guess.

And let's not forget my mythology final exam... in 6 days.

It is time for us all to...

... pat little d. on the head and say 'good boy'.

EDIT: what does someone do when he has no more essays to write?

...

teach himself how to juggle! Yes, I can manage to juggle 3 balls for a short while now. I also happened to know how to juggle 2 with one hand now, for a short while. Still need to practice more. Maybe juggling with dirty sock-balls is really the way to start (at least that's what I did- I didn't have any balls to juggle with).

I have finished and printed all the essays and projects nicely and whatnot. So I basically can kind of slack off until a few days before 12th when my only exam on mythology is. Oh the joy. I can also proudly declare that the tiny bit of nerdy Asian hardworking genes in me can somehow retire for a few months now.

Alright. So I went to see Waiting for Godot last night and it was great. Absolutely worth the money. I also got to rush into a closing Subway (ugh, for those who don't know, it's a kind of sandwich kinda place)at 11pm and got a weird meatball sub which was made damn spicy with jalapeño(do you spell it like that?) and hot sauce. That was just satisfying.

Oh, but the day before the show I was trying to get a ticket at the theatre was kind of stupid. The theatre was on the south end of a street and the train station was on the north end- and I totally forgot about that. So I spent an hour or two walking down the street, and when I went there I found out I can only get student rush tickets for $18.5 (instead of $50 for a saturday night show) a few hours before the performance: yes, I walked so far for... ugh, nothing.

Ah, remember the girl I talked about who looked abused and such? When I was taking the train back to SFU after the unneccessary walk to the theatre, the train passed by that street. I love to look out of windows and look for things which are not supposed to be there whenever I am alone in trains. So I looked out and saw a bunch of police cars, probably ambulances also and (vaguely) those 'police line do not cross' things surrounding the front of a building. You guys saw it coming a mile ago, right? Yes, it was that very building where I first saw the girl standing in front of around, what, 2 or 3 weeks ago, I forgot. I actually thought about getting off and have a look, but then it was getting a bit late and, ugh, I had essays that I simply had to write. And I stayed on the train, kept wondering what happened.

The rest 45 minute of the train and bus ride was a bit awkward. Not because I did anything strange on the train or something. Of course I did not cry out loud nor weep, but so many questions raised in my head. Was it anything related to that girl? Was she dead? Was she really abused and finally found the police? Or did she just OD'd on something? Or was she the evil one and got arrested? What about it is actually not about her? That place is nice but can be sketchy at the same time. Other things do happen.

But what if some big misfortune happened on her, say, if she's dead or seriously injured by someone, or she OD'd on something, or she tried to kill herself? On one hand I am dying to know what went on there, but on a second thought, do I really want to know? I wouldn't mind hearing a piece of news of gossip if it has nothing to do with that girl, but if it really has something to do with that person, I could have said or done something more meaningful to help that girl a few weeks ago- although I don't really know her at all, it still doesn't feel quite right.

Ah (what a way to change the topic), I am thinking of going to second hand stores and look for something 'new' to wear... the biggest problem is me being so damn lazy though.

But it still doesn't feel quite right.