Locks. Long, black locks.

I have pretty much the same convo with people these days about finding a job. With people I met in Hong Kong, with my old class and my old class teacher last night at dinner, with other people on the internet. It actually does not matter whom. Those conversations are majorly about me whining that people discriminate my long hair and stare at me and don't hire me because a) I look like a bad person; b) I look like a bum; or, c) I scare customers away (in case of a shop). Outcomes are nearly always people trying to convince me tying up my hair or simply cut it, just to compromise. And I'll be an stubborn childish ass and say 'if they don't take me as I am, I wouldn't want to work there either', and annoy everyone.

Isn't it funny? Do you guys talk to yourselves? Has there been an occasion that you cannot recognize yourself, or surprised by your reply to your own question when you're having a little intellegent chat with yourself? Or has there been at least once that when you ask yourself questions, you don't know how you yourself would (want to) answer?

Maybe it's time to go through a self-dissection session. I am a stubborn, childish, possessive and self-proclaimed different person. From that day, when I discovered that one can have a mind of his own, follow his own heart rather than other people's opinion, that I don't HAVE TO live in crowds, from that day on, I loathe beings that are 'everyone' (those who have seen my individual project back in Flekkeland should know a bit 'bout it). But recently I am half forced by boredom, half by the reality, into the reality itself. I actually have to reach out and finger-tip the real world, the hot, dirty, slimey colony of mindless drones. Lots have told me in order to survive, one has to compromise in a way or another. Nearly everyone has told me making compromises, even a little bit, is neccessary. Is it? To compromise, or not to compromise, that is the question. Would there be one day that I finally give up and cut my hair short and dress up like a dork going to interviews, and suddenly both angels from heaven, demons from hell and my other self from the blue cocoon all emerge to this inferno of civilization and all cry, 'hold, hold!' and save me from becoming the fallen one, more damned than the damned?

But hey, I'm sure there must be some people who would not mind a bite of a bummy looking lady-boy when the wolves are howling. So what the hell am I worring about?

Hell, maybe.

My personal hell. The prison I have build for myself. Nah, what prison? Now don't try to make yourself like the Pink guy in the Wall. Well then, after some confessions about compromising to fit in, maybe I should as well bitch about my own possessive tendency. Actually there's not much to say. Lacking of close relationships with other mutated chimpanzees during the early stage of my life can be the ultimate scapegoat. Heck, my childhood is not even that bad- just that I don't remember most of it. Damn Russians and Finns, I know you guys melted my memory butter serectly. So just to make everyone tell me that I am all fine and hot and attractive, the standard complaint of myself being insecure and 'easy-to-trust-people-about-everything-else-but-anything-that-might-
require-my-opening-of-the-blue-cocoon' just have to be done. I can give a guy whom I've never met before (and actually obviously lying) 60 dollars after listening to some weird lies, just to help him to 'pay for [his] extra luggage and get on this damn flight', or well, to 'make a friend for life 'cross the sea in London'.

But yet I am not considered as the one who helps everyone, and of course not the one who's always being exploited- I'm not always helping people anyway. Cause I'm not 'the nice guy', at most I'm just 'the weird guy', which I actually do enjoy being more. There are always better people around, this I started to understand very soon, very soon after I left Hong Kong. Just about in everything. In talking, in studying, in being helpful, in being nice, in being weird... wait, not this one, in eating eggs, in knitting, in hopping 100 times consecutively, in day dreaming, in turning door knobs, in opening soda cans, in mixing oil with butter, in singing, in falling down, in swallowing dry pieces of biscuits, in fishing, in being a fish... you get the idea. Yes, I'm saying what everyone wants to do but never dared to- to pop it. I know, I know it's tempting. Just like a full bottle of Stoli standing in the middle of the street. A bubble which is so fragile, lame, crippled and ugly, who doesn't want to pop it? A person who is so hostile, rude, stupid and freaky, who doesn't want to sink him? Still don't get it? I think too much of myself. Fuck about all that being insecure bullshit. I always try to be different, I always think I'm talented, I always think I have a way with things- and I am wrong. I am the exact opposite I think. I screw things up more than I fix things, I dry up more than I create.

Imagine if a person like me meets me. We would hate each other so much because we try too damn hard to be the one, the only one. Guess I'll be able to do it and stay the only one, as I'm an evil guy

I am still blaming the heat, 'cause I'm absolutely sober at the moment.














Forget to mention, attention is like alcohol for me. I crave for it, but at the same time, at some situations I hate it and want it away as far as possible. Wait. Have I ever thought that I want alcohol away as far as possible?

Honestly, yes.













'What a damned slut for attention,' she looked at him as if he is a serial rapist of farm bulls and cursed, 'all he wants is just attention, attention and attention! What? He does not own the world, and people around him are not obliged to pay him any attention. Too bad that they don't sell attentildos on eBay. I sincerely feel bad for that poor guy.'

Dorothy said

that there's no place like home. She kicked the heels for three times and went back to Kansas with Toto. During a conversation on the internet with the finn, I realized no matter how many times I knock the magic red shoes, the mysterious black bootsm or whatever, the wizard won't send me anywhere. There's kinda no place on earth now that I'm absolutely familiar or comfortable with to call home.

Of course I don't know much about where I currently live, cause I haven't lived in this area for long- actually counting last summer, not even for 4 months... Even if my family haven't moved away from the 'old' place, I would not know this Asian city well at all. I haven't kept in contact with more than 10 people in here I think.

Some might say I should somehow know flekke- it should be an absolute no at this point. The only bunch of people whom I know have gone already. The place has become so distant to me, and I don't want to call it home, at all. I might have done it before, while I lived there, which was actually reasonable. Quite a strong affection developed in me in fact. I used to love that place, so much that I would never want to leave. But as K. mentioned a bit, going back once again reminded me of flekkeland's, rather bad sides.

I might call canada home in a couple months' time- but it's still not a place that I'm familiar with.

Then the finn said, nokia and tampere!

Actually I think I know those two places better than any of those mentioned above. Maybe I know flekke better, but I absolutely feel more comfortable in cellphoneland.

Maybe, oh maybe erschwil(?)?
do you think so?

It's not like I don't want a summer job.

First... I was drooling to the link niko gave me in the last post. Too bad that I'll probably get arrested or something if I'm caught doodling with sidewalk chalks in Hong Kong.

I've been trying to check out some job vacancies on the internet. Some sort of government website. So you guys think the website must be damn efficient and nice, eh? Afterall it's Hong Kong, with all those little Asian geeks on computers and other stuff, having all these ultrasupermegaadvanced technology. Bleh, I was wrong, and so are you all who think so. One damn website for job vacancies (posted through something called the Labour Dept.) in the whole Hong Kong. Yes, yes, Hong Kong isn't exactly big, but think. Even 1% of the 7 million of us go to the website at the same time, the server(s) has/ve to be down- I experienced that myself. It's not even possible to search for jobs. And of course there aren't really any local district thingies for such things, to narrow my search down. So I guess I really am not going to get a fucking job.

The jobs on that website (actually in the whole Hong Kong) are hideous. Working from 0900 to 1730,1800 or even 1900, 5 'and a half' days per week (i.e. they want you to work even if it's a Saturday morning and thus ruin your whole Saturday)- and guess what? The salary per month is hardly over €500. Of course I tried to look around and see if there are places in theatres I can work in. Of course not. All they want are bigshots, connections to bigshots or lame celebrities. Those which don't require those are usually lame 'drama' groups, kinda just as a hobby or something, putting up lame shows... That pretty much also ruled out the possibility of me coming back to Hong Kong after graduating from university- unless I suddenly feel like being some sort of a saint.

Now I start to understand how some people work as prostitutes voluntarily.

P.S. I just realized how perceptive and easily affected my brain is. I can't write sensible blog entries, can't write plays, can't think, can't even read materials which are more sophisticated ('An Actor Prepares' is taking me forever suddenly)... oh I feel like I have a full skull of grey, sticky, melted brain-goo. Not to mention, I've been dry for 4 or 5 days, which is quite a huge torture. Maybe I should get some when I go out next time. Y'know, can't just go out for 5 minutes and come back with a big glass bottle in my pants. That doesn't make sense at all.

Well, of course it does to me, but sadly not to my parents.

I want sidewalk chalks.

As title.

Something is wrong...

... because I just realized I have changed quite a bit, again.

*warning: this is going to be yet another intensely egocentric post...*

Maybe I shouldn't use such a harsh word on 'something', or rather myself. It's not like anything wrong, just that it might be something that I would never really do during summers or actually during my life. Let's start with some shallow thing- there's another more serious issue which I do not know much but wish I did- some family matter.

So nothing bad but just a bit weird- I've moved away from regular metal music. Actually saying that I have stretched myself from metal music to other genres would be more accurate. I have been listening quite a large amount of Pink Floyd after leaving Flekke (honestly I never liked them before when I was younger), and then I started to look for some strange metal things, like, well they are not really strange, I guess naming them and letting you guys find out would be enough- Korpiklaani, Shaman, Finntroll (I like them even more than before), In Extremo... Guess that's enough. Not like it's a bad thing- I still enjoy a lot of Iron Maiden and Marilyn Manson (right, he isn't anything close to metal...). And then recently (maybe not so recently but anyway) I started to really like music of Radiohead, Sigur Rós, things like Brian Eno's Ambient#1-4... well I have always, always liked Björk and she's of her own kind anyway.

Enough to convince you all that something funny's going on within my blue cocoon? No? Fine. I do occasionally (more than occasionally actually) even listen to Dead Kennedys and the Exploited these days. AND- Today I found out I actually don't mind listening to John Lennon's works for hours and hours. I know I still cannot really stand the Beatles though. Don't ask why. Alright. It's boring to read me listing out all the bands on my playlist 'cause I think there are still quite a lot that are left out and those names aren't exactly anything that turns one on, I suppose.

Alright, some more weird thing. Me, a person who loves to live in my own world, being messy and appear to be lacking of the ability to take care of myself so that I will live a hygenic and healthy life, have decided to apply for and successfully offered a room on university residence where I'll have to cook for myself. No, not during the weekends only, not only when I feel like to (well to a certain extent yes, but...), not only when I have time, but daily, always, all meals, whether I want to or know how to or not. Well when I first mentioned it maybe in here or to people, I was kind of half joking, saying that I can of course take care of myself- but now I actually, kind of am a bit determined (what a strong word for my attention span) to get myself a healthy life next year- alright, it's not like I'll be able to stop drinking so I guess I'll just try to live and eat healthily with it.

Doesn't sound weird enough?

I actually start to talk to and actually care about my family. (Here comes the 'family matter' mentioned above) Talking to my dad always feels weird, eternally. This is a coined fact and it will not change. Yet I actually tried to have random convos with him, planning to have more during World Cup times. I can now stand my mother for a couple of sentences more without actually getting annoyed by her. Strange. I count my dad's mother as an immediate family member, although I haven't seen her for literally ages because I wasn't in HK and she has been in pretty bad conditions for a couple of years now. Some stroke things I think- no one ever told me what actually happened and I don't think I will get an answer even if I ask. EVEN today, apparently 'something happened to grandma', according to my mom, and they (I guess all other uncles and aunts of mine too), rushed to the hospital or something- I actually don't even know where my grandma's staying exactly. All I knew was something happened. And I don't think she's gone to join my grandpa yet. Nearly no one talks about him either anyway. But yeah, I spent the first 4 years of my life with her I guess. I don't rememeber the earlier years, but I know both of my parents were working till I was 4 when my brother was born, and mom quit her job to take care of... him, I think. Something like that- so I was a lot closer to grandma when I was small.

So yeah, family matter. And I started to be less cold blooded.

It must have been the heat of the summer.
It's getting REALLY hot- I'm all sticky without even moving.

Now all the kids are off to grad dinner and people are generally not online anyway- who would stay at home in summer? Well... it's past midnight and I finished all my alcohol 2 nights ago-

Maybe it's time to go on a musical trip- just play random music, stare at the ceiling and start dreaming. I just realized I haven't done that for so long...

Blue cocoon time.
Tschüss, viel glück und spaß, gute Nacht.

... allergic to alcohol!?

After finishing all my leftover gin tonight, I found out I am having an outrageous rash all over my body (haven't checked 'there'...). This is the first time though. Doesn't itch or anything. Just gets me wonder... wtf makes those rash appear?

Never happened with gin or vodka or rum or in fact any alcohol alone...

Time to think what i ate today...

Things I might want to do this summer.

I think it would be fun to make some kinda summer resolution, and check it out say, on the 31st August and see how many of the goals I would have accomplished by then.

First as I have always said, I would like to get a summer job. Earlier I was being picky and thinking of something more interesting, like something about theatre to work on, but I realized it is virually impossible anyways. So, I'll just get myself occupied from time to time this summer. Just anything which hopefully gets my ass off my bed during the day. Actually I just want to prove people wrong- some (yes, more than one) say that with such a hairstyle and outlook, the chance for me to get a job offer is zero. We'll see.

Then I'll have to become a lobotomist. Not literally.

Hopefully those will occupy my whole summer. Actually not much. I think I'll finish Stanislavsky's 'An actor prepares' in a week or even less, if I can stop myself from 'sipping away for better sleep' at late nights. I might want to re-read Artaud's 'Theatre and its double' if I can find it at all in Hong Kong... maybe a couple of movies are worth watching actually. Not too sure about that. I am nearly surely not watching Phantom (the STAGE version!!) in here since it would either be too expensive or that I'll have to use telescopes. Just like in the operas in the old days, eh? No thanks. I really would like to, but I'm poor.

Ah. As quite a lot of you have noticed, I've been wearing the same damn clothes for quite some time now. Maybe it's time to get something new to wear. I am actually in need of new clothes. Tomorrow maybe, if it doesn't rain like a beer piss like today.

The heat melted my brain (think I wrote exactly the same excuse last summer) and I'm running out (no, not of THAT- of ideas I mean).

Coffee, gin and my room.

I never sleep naked, not even only in my boxers way back in hong kong.

I don't know what the heck Flekke(...?) or Canada has done to me, but I never can sleep with really any clothes on anymore. Didn't mean to make this post erotic so I'd better not go into details. Nah, I just want to 'air out' my tattoo- especially in such a warm humid summer day.

I had quite a large mug of coffee a while ago and of course I didn't think that I won't be able to fall asleep. And obviously I did not and instead I stayed up and wrote some lyrics- me and a friend from home decided to make 10-ish songs over summer. I really want to accomplish that because we've planned so many things in the past summers and it never worked due to different reasons (laziness, lack of this or that, weather, money, time, etc.). I have rough ideas and bad lyrics for around 5 songs already, thanks to the gin which I thought would put me to sleep.

The gin was rather expensive. I never thought alcohol would get so expenesive in here actually. I remember last summer it was at least 5€ cheaper. I don't know what has happened, may it be weird taxes or just that they feel like putting up the price in the supermarket. Whichever.

This post actually has no meaningful nor and bit of imagination in it, I just want to let you guys know I have been semi looking for a job and trying to make myself useful these days.

Later- when I'm more sober.

Animal Planet #3

Weird things that I learnt tonight:

Animal Planet again. It is just fun seeing animals doing all sorts of things at late night. It is entertaining and informative. Better than those crappy music channels which show fake reality programs instead. So. Ever jealous of X-men? Ever wanna shoot some killer red things out of your eyes? Some kind of spiky lizards can actually do it. They shoot blood out of their eyes. I saw it on the program and I swear it is real. It increases its own blood pressure in the eyes and then squirt squirt squirt and voilà! The enemy's scared away and the eyes will be okay after a while.

Something called elephant-nosed fish are able to conduct phone sex. I am not sure if they are really called elephant-nosed fish but that's what I caught. So everyone knows some fishes transmit electric signals to communicate. For that kinda fish, they can even have phone sex. In case a metal wire or a phone like or a whatever connects two pools, and it happens that a male is on one and a female the other, the female can release eggs after a few minutes of flirting and courting...
So not only humans do phone sex. Those pathetic little fishes.

It is believed that whales can sense and visualize magnetic fields generated by the earth or something like that. So when they swim in the sea they actually see some kind of weird channels and landscapes. That might explain why they crash on beaches sometimes. One goes the wrong way which leads to the beaches and the pack follows...
Then again it might be sort of fun to see all these non existant stuff w/o taking any harmful drugs. Imagine. Constantly seeing things. Then again you won't think it is interesting if you're constantly seeing things. It will be interesting when you don't see things instead.

Dolphins have sonar stun guns which resonates with the floating bladders of fish, and hence make the little fishies go all confused and lost. There we have it, another big lunch. Some other fishes actually use electricity directed at preys to paralyze them for a sec too. See? Stun guns were used in the sea long before us. Who says we are cleverer than animals? Who says we are not animals anyway?

Ever seen those flourescent UV light fly traps? Maybe some of you who live in colder places don't need that. But something like that exists. Anyway. Flies are attracted to UV light-reflecting objects. They think they found daylight and go all mad flying the UV traps. So something called gold spiders use UV light traps too. Way before the artifical ones are invented. A normal spider web with parts of weirder strings or lacing that reflects more UV light, it basically looks like an organic flourescent fly trap. Works magic.

Ah wonder why (mostly male) dogs like feet/lower legs? So now I know. They say toes smell like horny female dogs. Should I even say more?

There are some more interesting things like crows liking cigarettes (actually any flashy thing but anyway) and causing 'mysterious' fires in some houses; small toads go into rock cracks and not wanting to go out because food (bugs) always go in there anyway, get stuck in the rock as the poor toads grow old and freak people out; oh, I can also mention fish rains. In short, whirlwinds reach pools or lakes, suck fishes and what not in the water up, brings the stuff in other places and what goes up must come back down... splat splat splat.

Done with the little natural biology lesson today.

Later kids.

So I could be sleeping by now

...but maybe I should write a little bit just to let everyone know I am doing alright.

Let's talk about the flekkeland trip first. We were really welcomed by the kids and some new kids, although we get some weird looks from time to time- then again that's understandable. I mean, it's me and vittu. Who doesn't like to look at beautiful beings or art pieces of miracle? I bet My 0 years do. Nah, seriously, I bet it's just because we look funny and we behave weird. It was good to be back though. Just an official goodbye to the place. After a week and something's time my 1st years would have been gone and the next time I will be back in flekkeland is either I am invited to run a PBL week, I am employed to teach theatre there (but then I actually might reject the job, I don't fucking wanna teach- no offense, daddy), or at the 10-year reunion, provided that I can afford the tickets and I'm not having a newborn child with me.

And probably you guys read a bit about where we stayed. So... after all these days I think it is long enough ago to reveal a little bit more. Simple as that. We bummed in a room for 2 nights. Somehow students let it slip (well we aren't invisible anyway) that we are in flekkeland and staying around in rooms. So one teacher told another. That another teacher was nice enough to be reasonable and understand our problem and intention (not really like the one teacher) so we bummed at the another teacher's place instead. That was pretty much the whole thing, I just cut out some silly parts like me getting annoyed for pretty much no reasons or something. Just me being a raging teenage boy.

So the accomodation was solved and there came the bacon incident. Vittu should I actually write about that? Nah, you do it when you are not occupied by the kids during the day. I'll probably leave you the bacon and the strong-charactered norwegian transportation system. So folks, press on her to get the stories! Not me, not me!

Teaser lines:

(after the bacon incident)
J*$e: (holding my meat) is this your...?
[He puts THE meat into his mouth]
*me giggles while typing that*

[Ring! Ring!]
a first year of ours from IH: shit this is fucking stupid! they ran away! @$)(&*(_!#_($*@!_($*#!$@##!$#!#*(_#T*~~!!!

d.: nah, last time when I waited for this bus, it was like 20 minutes late... it will come.

vittu: go take a slash then...

vittu: what part of 'no batteries' does he not understand?

'We paid and we got a ride... 3 of us, 40 minutes of fun.'

'Coming soon... on vittu's blog.'

About what I actually did with the kids in flekkeland... they'll come later. I spent most of my time at the smokers corner, then with Gerbrith, Tiger, MY 1st year/s and s.

Lots of talk, lots of thoughts, lots of memories, lots of fun.
Somehow I don't say 'have fun, kids' as often anymore.
Somehow I use different exclaimations in different countries:
Finland: Oho! Hoppla! Hopsa! Hoppa! Eh?
Canada: Scheiße! Verdammt! Fuck! Aye. Weeee! Hops! Hoppla! Ooops.
Hong Kong: Aiya! Scheiße! Fuck! Shit! Oh. Ooop. Hoppla! Hopsa!
Norway: Most of them I think, remember any that I didn't use, vittu or other folks and kids?
Switzerland: All of the above I think, as far as I remember. I can try to prove it and take notes next winter.

Shine on, all you sweetie pies who are still in flekkeland.

Especially the soon-to-be mother of a pair of lovely, lovely twins.

Ja, du.

Animal Planet #2

Seeing numerous scenes of elephants chasing the cameras... I want to experience one.

The airport stories may come up, if I still remember them.

Animal Planet

You guys just see this coming, did you not?
Hong Kong and Animal Planet.

Just a short note... I was watching metamorphoses of butterflies and moths. No, not the Metamorphoses by Ovid- I'm done with mythology already.

Even though moths are fucking disgusting in my not so humble opinion, it was damn amazing to see how they recorded nearly every detail of the metamorphosis and with some animated images now I finally kinda know how that actually happens. Now I'm watching how penguin babies develope in eggs.

If there were no Animal Planet for me to watch, I guess life would become so dull when I cannot sleep. As you all know, I quite dislike television in general, 'cept Animal Planet and some cartoons, maybe some documentaries and on the rare occasion of good movies.

Anyway. I will write more about the flights and all that, then maybe about animals, or even more details on the cellphone town-flekkeland trip.

It's good to dream for real again, it will be all good from now on.

Hong Kong

Just went back to Hong Kong today.
Nothing too interesting happened yet- though I was searched at nearly every airport I went to. At least I got a lot of weird looks from the customs people. Someone managed to cheat $60 from me at Vancouver airport. I'll write about it in detail after getting some sleep- I do appreciate that guy's acting and confidence though. Just that now I know there are evil people in the real world... this incident proves that I'm way too childish and naïve for the real grown up world. :)

Everything is going fine, even better than before.

Wish I could stay in cellphone town for a bit longer.
Also wish I could stay in Flekke for a bit longer.
I wish it was time to snow again.

I am still alive.

Just a short update. I will write more, a lot more later.

So I was in Vittu's for a while, tagging along her in the kindergarten she's working in. It was great fun, majorly seeing her, and her parents and the kindergarten little buggers. Now we're back at flekkeland and the kids are happy but some (or one) teacher(s) were not that happy because we were bumming at some kids' rooms for a while. Luckily M. the house mentor of S.H. kinda saved us for a few nights and then J. the bio teacher suggested maybe we can stay in the hobbit hole (that thing in front of snikkarbua where everyone must have been in there at least once, sitting, talking, drinking or smoking). Mr. Rektor and Mrs. Rektor were acutally nice and not bitching about us bumming around. Sigh. Funny how bitchy some teacher/s can get, even when the rektor couple don't seem to mind at all.

Um, have I written about I kind of am a major in theatre now? Yeah, that's pretty much about it. Nothing special to talk about. I will get a tattoo or something when we got back to Nokia on monday. Then one more week at the Santaland and I'll head back to dear o'Hong Kong. Don't know what it is, but I actually don't find Hong Kong THAT repulsive anymore- even talking to my family can seem fun at time.

And I'll write more later- life's been still good if not better.

'Have fun, kids.'