if life is not exciting enough for you all, try losing your passport on a forest trail on an island and not doing much about it (remember I am flying in 2 weeks). well the university called me this morning saying that the police picked it up. so i gotta go to that island again...

that was rather exciting to be honest.

another

it was never performed but it was the process to another monologue that i performed.

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Kate said something about skyscrapers... something like that, but instead of hitting planes, just keep flying upwards until, well, until.
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'truth' (one of the thousand versions i wrote.)

the middle of a circle. standing in the middle of a circle has never been a pleasant thing. it reminds me of her. you won't want to know. nobody wants to know how it really is, that is why she has always been in the middle. in fact she asked for it. it looked like a craving, a dependence, an addiction. nobody else wants to know how it really is, that is why nobody else has ever asked. you can almost smell the blood before it begins, i could smell the blood before it began. i knew her.

the familiar smell of sweat. of the same crowd. of the same place. the smell has filled up every single smallest corner of the circle. for years, for decades people have been waiting. waiting for it. waiting for her. waiting for an answer. it terrifies the people. it transforms into whatever shape they fear and it pleases, like a monster, a demon, the devil. she terrifies the people even more. she asks for the devil.

the first thing she said was 'i'll buy all your truth with the stones i have.' 'stone me.' was the second thing she said. she even brought the rubies herself. at first no one knew what she meant except me. her voice pierced through the smell of the crowd and hit me. the vibration, the shiver went straight down my spine, my ribs, my lungs and my heart. a traveler hears his mother tongue racing through the marketplace into his ear in a land faraway. suddenly everything else became unimportant- the truth was i thought i knew what she wanted- my eyes took my fingers to the ground, to the ring of rubies, ring of burning stones, of beating hearts she made for us. all of us.

a blood red ruby caught my eye and my hand caught it. i could not help it- it looked just like a heart. i have seen one before but everyone thought i was lying. a fist was raised above the crowd. a fist with blood all over it. a murderer's fist. the fist swung a perfect curve and slung the red ruby. the crowd divided and i felt like moses. she captured me. with her visions, with her breath, with her smile. somehow she knew i would be her first. i started to sweat, to feel nauseous, scared, excited, aroused. every step i made towards her felt heavier and heavier. i had a life and a thousand pairs of eyes on me. 'hit me with your truth' she said.

it is not that bad actually. you ask for it and you usually get it- that is if you really ask. people try their best not to hang onto it. nobody wants it really. their most vicious cancers, deepest scars, darkest nightmares. my most vicious cancers, deepest scars, darkest nightmares. i sold her my truth and in return everybody gets to be vulnerable and strong at the same split second. i told her that i remember i had a girl's life and a thousand pairs of eyes on me and the girl said 'hit me with your truth'. i did and i felt like god. no one thought i could do it. the sky turned red. the sun was setting. she took a deep breath and roared. 'it was me who killed the girl when you all were watching.' the sky turned more red. she turned red. her hair her face her eyes her lips her naked body her fingers her chest her belly her thighs her knees her feet her toes. her rubies and her became one.

'hit me with the truth.' every time i tell the truth i had such a feeling. strange. maybe that is what it really is, not a demon, not the devil, but to have a life and a thousand pairs of eyes watching your every single hair on your naked body. a life which truly believes in you that the truth is indeed the truth. so precious that i took the heart shaped ruby home and washed all the blood off. a granite pebble can never be a ruby after a cold tap water bath.

the trill of truth and lie is the most adorable note in our symphony. if there are no lies truth is merely a futile word. we lied but i did not. i told them the truth.