Something is wrong...

... because I just realized I have changed quite a bit, again.

*warning: this is going to be yet another intensely egocentric post...*

Maybe I shouldn't use such a harsh word on 'something', or rather myself. It's not like anything wrong, just that it might be something that I would never really do during summers or actually during my life. Let's start with some shallow thing- there's another more serious issue which I do not know much but wish I did- some family matter.

So nothing bad but just a bit weird- I've moved away from regular metal music. Actually saying that I have stretched myself from metal music to other genres would be more accurate. I have been listening quite a large amount of Pink Floyd after leaving Flekke (honestly I never liked them before when I was younger), and then I started to look for some strange metal things, like, well they are not really strange, I guess naming them and letting you guys find out would be enough- Korpiklaani, Shaman, Finntroll (I like them even more than before), In Extremo... Guess that's enough. Not like it's a bad thing- I still enjoy a lot of Iron Maiden and Marilyn Manson (right, he isn't anything close to metal...). And then recently (maybe not so recently but anyway) I started to really like music of Radiohead, Sigur Rós, things like Brian Eno's Ambient#1-4... well I have always, always liked Björk and she's of her own kind anyway.

Enough to convince you all that something funny's going on within my blue cocoon? No? Fine. I do occasionally (more than occasionally actually) even listen to Dead Kennedys and the Exploited these days. AND- Today I found out I actually don't mind listening to John Lennon's works for hours and hours. I know I still cannot really stand the Beatles though. Don't ask why. Alright. It's boring to read me listing out all the bands on my playlist 'cause I think there are still quite a lot that are left out and those names aren't exactly anything that turns one on, I suppose.

Alright, some more weird thing. Me, a person who loves to live in my own world, being messy and appear to be lacking of the ability to take care of myself so that I will live a hygenic and healthy life, have decided to apply for and successfully offered a room on university residence where I'll have to cook for myself. No, not during the weekends only, not only when I feel like to (well to a certain extent yes, but...), not only when I have time, but daily, always, all meals, whether I want to or know how to or not. Well when I first mentioned it maybe in here or to people, I was kind of half joking, saying that I can of course take care of myself- but now I actually, kind of am a bit determined (what a strong word for my attention span) to get myself a healthy life next year- alright, it's not like I'll be able to stop drinking so I guess I'll just try to live and eat healthily with it.

Doesn't sound weird enough?

I actually start to talk to and actually care about my family. (Here comes the 'family matter' mentioned above) Talking to my dad always feels weird, eternally. This is a coined fact and it will not change. Yet I actually tried to have random convos with him, planning to have more during World Cup times. I can now stand my mother for a couple of sentences more without actually getting annoyed by her. Strange. I count my dad's mother as an immediate family member, although I haven't seen her for literally ages because I wasn't in HK and she has been in pretty bad conditions for a couple of years now. Some stroke things I think- no one ever told me what actually happened and I don't think I will get an answer even if I ask. EVEN today, apparently 'something happened to grandma', according to my mom, and they (I guess all other uncles and aunts of mine too), rushed to the hospital or something- I actually don't even know where my grandma's staying exactly. All I knew was something happened. And I don't think she's gone to join my grandpa yet. Nearly no one talks about him either anyway. But yeah, I spent the first 4 years of my life with her I guess. I don't rememeber the earlier years, but I know both of my parents were working till I was 4 when my brother was born, and mom quit her job to take care of... him, I think. Something like that- so I was a lot closer to grandma when I was small.

So yeah, family matter. And I started to be less cold blooded.

It must have been the heat of the summer.
It's getting REALLY hot- I'm all sticky without even moving.

Now all the kids are off to grad dinner and people are generally not online anyway- who would stay at home in summer? Well... it's past midnight and I finished all my alcohol 2 nights ago-

Maybe it's time to go on a musical trip- just play random music, stare at the ceiling and start dreaming. I just realized I haven't done that for so long...

Blue cocoon time.
Tschüss, viel glück und spaß, gute Nacht.