Are we all insignificant?

Question of the day.
Emmi you know what I am asking :).

The three circles

Have you guys noticed the three colorful big(ger) circles above my posts? I somehow was staring at them for 15 or more minutes... I don't know why but I find it absolutely interesting and comforting to talk to those 3 little circles in my mind. Maybe I am a circle instead of a human. Maybe I am of the Red clan, maybe Blue mafia, or Green army? Don't know. Or maybe I am actually some early ancestors of those three bigger and the numerous circlets(!) on this page. That's why I understand what they are talking, or why some of them are bumping into each other- you know, those sudden yet smooth and half-elastic collisions... Like, it is actually comfortable to watch them bump into each other then hop apart and giggle like little children.

Sometimes I wonder if the stars are going to take me back. Or maybe the moon is going to bring me back to her arms like the little boy sittig in the moon's cradle in the logo of Dreamworks. Maybe I don't belong to their world either.

Where then?

Night after night I wake up shaking cos my world is breaking.

My world? Which one? Their world you mean? What if leaf-cutter ants are added genes of maple leaves. Will they keep on cutting each other up? How can Pinocchio take a shower actually? Wouldnt he start rotting and stink? I have heard that in some places the post offices actually DO reply to letters addressed to Santa. Maybe I should write one to Santa, because I have been a good boy. Coins and notes are scattered on my desk. Why Loonies and Toonies? Why aren't more of them names? Moonies and Noonies? Roonies? Rooney? Nah. Nobody wants his holligan face on the coin. But really. Do coins feel happy or sad when they are picked out of the wallet? Would they be unhappy because their owner is gonna give them away, or would they be delighted because finally they are useful? Does it hurt when they land into that box of coins in the Coca-Cola machine? Will they feel scared staying in the box for the whole bloody week? Coins are interesting. Let's think about coins. Coins are usually round also. Circles. Are coins racists? Do US dollar coins hate Euro coins? How about Finnish marks in the old days? Do they talk at all? Euro is like Hitler's Großdeutschland... Well it might be a bit of exaggeration actually. Euro isn't anything that bad I guess. So do Norwegian Kroner understand Danish Kroner? Oh, how about Nynorsk and Bokmål? Do 2 dollar coins hate 1 dollar coins, just because their value's different, or just because they look different? Do pennies get bullied just because they are so tiny and helpless?

What else is a circle. Time. Clocks are made round usually. It's a concept of cycle. Well it's like a circle. What can I talk about... Nah. I'd rather not. I don't have that much energy to bullshit a sensible passage about time at the moment, nor have I the passion.

Right. As I promised in the last post- this one sounds a bit more intellegent right?
Those are really my thoughts, I promise, and I didn't just make them up because of this post. I was actually daydreaming those stuff.

I should be sleeping...

but somehow right before I fell asleep (which should be around... two hours ago), I have decided to take a shower. Don't ask me why. Maybe my intuition told me I won't have time for it tomorrow morning- got math at half-eight in the morning. Seems like my co-years started the returning journey to good o'flekke already. Louise is back at the moment, Emmi will be back for PBL (shhh...), Ace will be back in around November right? And I bet there's more to come. I am getting boring here. What's my point?

Right.

I have got over the post-UWC syndrome after I moved into SFU. I mean, it doesn't mean that I don't miss RCN anymore- but it just turns to another kind of feeling, you know. It's like, you will wonder if I would meet your co-years randomly on a vacation, how we all will look like in the re-union, how many of us will want to go back and meet up and how many of us will make it, how many of you guys will want to see me again...

Anyway. My hair is kinda dry now and I promise I will come up with something a bit more interesting and intellegent soon. Later.

General thoughts...

Thought math would be my easiest course but it turns out to be my biggest burden this term... sucks. So there is a little story about my first math assignment: I didnt really know where to hand it in so I put it on the wrong shelf instead of stuffing it into some wicked hidden pegion hole... so today when I went to hand in my second assignment to the right place, I somehow found my assignment #1 marked 'Late: 0/6'.

Sweet. 5 fucking hours of work down the drain. We all love math don't we? But don't worry, I promised myself not to do anymore math even if I get a 4.0 in this math course in the end.

And I managed to hammer my thumb on a wriggle (sp?) nail. Yes. I am not good at using hammers. So I missed and I hammered my own thumb on the edge of that flat piece of metal. 'I think... I hit something.' I didnt realize I was bleeding all over the flat we were building until, yeah, I saw it. Then a minute later my working partner hit her thumb exactly the same way I did. It was probably my sweater- the one with a skeleton drilling its own skull. It's the jinx of the workshop- I am not gonna wear it to that class anymore. Yes I am superstitious, especially when it comes to things about theatre. (Just like, I believe Artaud will phone/e-mail me one day and say I should keep my work up and I will make it one day- well that's not superstitious now is it... :P)

So, Hamlet is getting better in a way, actually, I mean, at least now I get how the story goes:

Uncle killed Papa Hamlet and married Mama Hamlet. Hamlet is not happy. Little Hamlet saw Papa Hamlet. Little Hamlet, who thinks he is a corward promised to revenge. Little Hamlet pretends he was crazy. Uncle sent tons of people spying on Little Hamlet to see what the fuck was going on with him. Little Hamlet killed his girlfriend's father and made her crazy. Uncle sent Little Hamlet to England to have him killed but somehow Little Hamlet found the way home. Uncle also sent Rosencrantz and Guildenstern with Little Hamlet but somehow they died. Little Hamlet's girlfriend drowned herself. Girlfriend's brother came back and got pissed off. Uncle and girlfriend's brother wanted to kill Little Hamlet. They all died, either from the poisonous blade or poisonous drink in the end.

-Curtains-

Shakespeare, please, learn how to spell ROSENCRANTZ.

Hmm, what else?
Yeah, I have been doing nothing much except reading Little Hamlet's family scandal. Well Deutsch ist gut. But the grammar is killing me right now. It gets extremely complicated and... yeah. I just don't have the capacity for it yet.

I have really been thinking about getting dreadlocks again, but some problems arose at the exact moment that idea came up: how the hell can I get a role in productions properly? I am not any specifically good actor, plus my dreadlocks I am pretty sure I am not gonna get any (roles. No naughty thoughts here. Not in this paragraph.). And even if I am not planning to act too much, what if I get all those dust and wood crumbs and stuff in my dreads during the production technology class (in which I hammered my thumb...)? Anyway, I will figure out. I might just go up to the director of the school of contemporary arts and ask, 'oi, dreadlocks won't affect my chances here right?' Or I might not even ask actually, who cares? I don't think anyone will reject a director because he has dreadlocks... or will they? Njah. Emmi and Salome aren't around so I will probably never have free dreadlock (and un-dreadlock-ing) services anymore... Gee I miss those days when there are actually people who care about you and are willing to spend ages to fix your lovely (or not-so-lovely) hair... Gee. Geez. Geeze. Geeeeeeeeeee. What?

There's gonna be a UWC-grads in SFU gathering somewhere out there in someone's house... me and Lukas will try to get there somehow- hope we can arrive safe and come back alive.

Right- dinner time.

Nothing much.

Nothing much is going on around here... so I don't really know how long this blog will last.

Hide from the Sun

The Rasmus' new album after their breakthrough album 'Dead Letters'.

Dead Letters was marvellous with catchy tunes and Lauri's range was amazing and all that, and the good english lyrics (written by a bunch of Finns... think about Sonata Arctica, god their lyrics are... well I can't say it's bad, it's just... weird.).

But it seems like they have lost either their bitter or sorrow feeling in Hide from the Sun. I haven't listened to the whole album yet, but I think it's no way better than Dead Letters.

Anyway. It's a little bit disappointing that although they kept up their standard, they did not make any significant breakthrough- and instead, they lost their magical little touch of darkness and power like 'Not like the other girls' or 'In the Shadows'.

I'm looking forward to hearing the song 'out of the shadows' though, since apparently it seems to me a sequel to the hit 'In the Shadows'. Just wondering how that song sounds like...

New discovery.

Just found out although HKAPA is not a university, it offers a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree, just like any other universities. I can even choose between Directing and Acting and all that. Weird. Anyway.

*HKAPA = the Hong Kong Academy for Performing Arts

EDIT: ah, no. For admission apparently one needs a diploma from HKAPA before... anyway. I am just pretty bored on a free day.

So I'm in SFU now.

And it is a bit funny here. People are not as open as in RCN of course, and it seems like all they care about is partying and smoking up. I find it a bit, stupid in a sense. Some might say, 'welcome back to reality, kid.' And I absolutely agree. The two years in Flekke is like a dream, nearly everyone is nice and all that. The orientation week was somewher boring and tiring. I mean it's good to get to talk to some of the people, but on the other hand it's just too tiring to walk around all easy, especially when I havent got over my jetlag yet.

And there are just so much stuff I have to do for settling down- looking for books which are out of stock at the moment, fill in and hand in two insurance forms, buying this and that, figuring out how I can get the money for my scholarship, get a cell phone service plan, book travel for winter, look for a place to live after spring semester... and pretty much everything is somewhat related to money. Once you have become a university student, everything seem to be around money. Everything is about money. People will actually get exicted about merely a free meal or pieces of free cakes. Weird.

One more odd thing is, there are just too many people aroundn on campus. It's so different from Flekke, where only around 200 people is on campus, everyone knows each other and people actually have interesting talks, rumours and stuff. In here, people are just, so, 'different' in a sense yet so similar to each other. They are different from the people in RCN, but their interests just don't interest me. I wish I could find a couple of people like those in Flekke and get to know them. It's not like I don't want to make friends with people here, but I just don't want 'friends' that is merely for partying purposes. I had enough of that in Hong Kong, and I for sure wouldn't want more of those. I don't know. That's one big reason why I don't feel like socializing too much. I don't feel like I fit into here honestly. Maybe the annoying problem of 'I just don't want to fit into the world and become "everyone"' is coming up again. I will see.

School is starting tomorrow and nothing seems easy at all. The calculus course which I thought would be easy, and after reading the course outline, I start to doubt if it would be THAT easy. I just hope that won't occupy me too much time since I would like to concentrate more on German and the two other theatre courses.

Talking about school, it's a bit stressful when I realized I actually have to work hard to keep my scholarship, and to be eligeble for possible further scholarships and financial help. Why is every-fucking-thing about money? I hope I'll get better once school starts, then I will just be overwhelmed by schoolwork and have no time to think about all these crap.

還記得當天旅館的門牌
還留住笑著離開的神態
當天整個城市 那樣輕快
沿路一起走半哩長街
還記得街燈照出一臉黃
還燃亮那份微溫的便當
剪影的你輪廓 太好看
凝住眼淚才敢細看

忘掉天地 彷彿也想不起自己
仍未忘相約看漫天黃葉遠飛
就算會與你分離 淒絕的戲
要決心忘記 我便記不起
明日天地 只恐怕認不出自己
仍未忘跟你約定假如沒有死
就算你壯闊胸膛 不敵天氣
兩鬢斑白 都可認真你

btw i'm alive and doing fine in simon fraser uni.
just too busy to write anything...
new blogs coming up when school starts.