know the frustration of failing to accurately release the compressed restlessness inside your cracked skull because such restlessness is not represetable and explainable to the others in a more explicit, tangible or common way, mainly because of your lacking of knowldege in the all the common languages you know? whether the languages be actually literal languages, body languages, visual representations, stories, plays, the hyperdense compressed restlessness can only be described close but not to the bull's eye, like having a killing itch but only able to scratch the pieces of skins around the spot.

the closest i can get to is that i feel like there is a fist size, spinning black mass of feelings, dark mass of melancholy and hysteria increasing in speed and weight but the size remains ever constant. it's like having that mass spinning in you so fast and the force is so strong that the world around is brought turning and twisting while standing still because the spot where i am is in the middle. if i make any rash moves i will be sucked inside to the black mass or blown outside and lose myself in the spinning world. it is impossible to distinguish and differentiate between similar images of the world which is spinning. it feels like standing in the middle of a storm. it feels like standing in the middle of a storm of my mind. it feel like standing in the middle of a storm of my mind while it is getting denser and denser. it feels like standing in the middle of a ferociously blazing storm of my mind while it is getting denser and denser.

it feels just like my idea of death. stuck in a state of eternal peace while trapped between two different shades of ever savage restless and stormy darkness which are located respectively right under and above your skin.

wow.