Edward.

Sometimes I wonder how it is like to be Edward. He has been trapped in the castle for ages. He saw his own dreams breaking right in front of him. He tried to hold onto it but his stupid scissorhands shattered it even more. Then he was brought away from the castle, to know what the word 'warmth' means. Seeing sprinklers, children playing, every single thing for the first time. The first time. Everything is just so exciting and interesting. I remember I talked about it with T. before. I would like to erase all my non-vital/essential memories. I would like to erase even more than Joel and Clem did. Not only a specific person.

E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

Just to feel them all for the first time. Just to have the feeling of every fucking thing is so amazing. Even the things that hurts. Even the feeling of making a mistake for the first time. Take away my memory of love, my memory of sex, my memory of being loved, my memory of my friends, and whatever else if you wish. You can even take away the feeling of my first performance on stage, my last performance in Flekke, my first play, whatever. Now think. Remember how it felt the first time you kiss somone? Remember how it felt the first time you thought you love someone? Remember how it felt the first time you knew you love someone? Remember how it felt the first time you had sex? Remember how it felt the first time you thought somone loves you? Remember how it felt the first time you knew someone loves you? Remember the first day of school? Remember the first piece of chicken you had? Remember the first sip of alcohol you serectly had? Remember your first scar on your body? Even a scar makes you amazed. Remember that? Remember the first time you felt wind touching your skin? Remember? Remember. Try. Try to bring that feeling back, when everything was new and fresh. When you are not sick of anything around you, and when nothing around you is sick of you. Close your eyes and think about every single first-time you ever had.

I believe it is one of the reasons why kids are so happy. Meeting or learning about new things is always exicting, no?

How about doing things for the last time then? It is as valuable as doing things for the first ever time in your life- and I will talk about it sooner or later. Got an exam on mythology next Tuesday, so don't expect me to write anything meaningful in my blog before Tuesday night/Wednesday afternoon.

And so I watched 'American History X' just now. Nothing much to say about it actually. Theatrically it gave me a new idea of how Edward Norton's acting could be. He is no worse than Gary Oldman I tell you. The movie is simple in a sense. The message was crystal clear. 'Blood is always red. Bones are always white. Skins should be transparent. Fuck rasicm.' (sounds reasonable and cool, eh?) Simple. Easy to understand.

Anyway. A few more swigs and I should head to bed.

Shine on.

EDIT: how does this sound? This: 'Imagine how beautiful the world would be if we could only do things for the first-and-last time. Imagine this is the only time you would ever be able to imagine. Imagine that.'