alone in my bedroom i went in to a trance last night. i had a strange conversation with myself and we know that i'm not totally alright but we just couldn't tell why. and that's not good.

it felt like someone has attach a vacuum cleaner to my spine secretly. my blanket was the perfect material for running away, it really was. sitting in the cave i closed my eyes and hugged myself, pretending that she's next to me. i tried to bring myself onto an adventure like i've always done in colder places. the hovering sound of the air conditioner, muted roars of car engines, the pounding of my weak blood pump- the voices are all in my head. i found my way to another world, a world that was shaking. a collection of unstable illusions. the end of a circle always joins the beginning. after a certain state, the rider lets go of the gear and the mustang takes over. amused and amazed, i always end up with similar situations that i'm forced to take over again.

the door to the way out was just right in front, a bright white exit just like i've always imagined.

but of course i didnt make it. bored? surprised?