It's been long.

I haven't really written anything special for two days. Let's see what can I talk about today. Now my iPod is playing Björk's album, Post. It is just one of my favourite albums. Anyway I like Björk's music. Weird, eh? I know I do look or seem to be a metal head or at least more into some harder stuff. Actually I just listen to nearly everything I find interesting. Björk just does not belong to any specific genre of music. She is for sure nothing close to metal, rock or punk. She's just herself. Makes whatever she likes, make whatever she thinks sounds nice. To me, every single piece of her songs is like a little short piece of story- when I listen to her music, images or scenes will just pop up in my mind and there I go. And somehow her music just releases my emotion- when Björk's music goes into my ears and my head, it often is even stronger than any of the other hard music I listen to.

I wonder when will I have such a day, that I can just put on my own theatre pieces without really caring about the others' tastes and the market. It will probably never, but I will be dreaming of such a day endlessly.

I think I am going through some kind of brain drain period. I have just been... staying way too much in my room without properly smoking and drinking. Even I haven't really chatted with anyone on the internet (except a small conversation each with Airiin and Ace) today I still have no ideas for any topics for either writing or chatting. Maybe I have been reading that stupid Chinese novel too much. Or maybe I just have been playing too much computer games. Or maybe I need to listen to some music.

Wait.

I have said I just need to drink and smoke freely a minute ago. Screw it.

Then again brain drain IS scary. I mean, it's completely fine for me to have a brain drain once in a while during summer, or whenever I don't have to work on anything theatre related. I don't remember if I have talked about that in some of my entries before. If I have then it proves my memory is bad and you who are reading this can just stop, or skip this paragraph, if there will be another after this. I wouldn't know, I never plan my entries. So, back to expressing my fear towards running out of ideas and inspirations. I don't even know how it happens. On some days I just have numerous weird ideas to write down or to talk about, then again on a day like this, when I don't have anything to do (at all), I don't even have a spark of inspiration for a bloody blog entry. It is scary.

I really think I have talked about this before, so let's talk about something else.

'Derek?'
'I think someone is talking to me, it's impossible.'
'Why is it impossible?'
'Because I think it is not possible!'
'Would you like to have a conversation with me then?'
'Why would I?'
'Because you look bored.'
'Well even if I am, it doesn't make me want to talk to you.'
'Derek.'
'How'd you know my name?'
'How'd I know?'
'Then what's your bloody name?'
'Derek.'
'Actually where are you? I don't really think I can see you.'
'Here, have a cigarette.'
'Sure.'
'So you like to smoke?'
'What the heck?'
'I don't have a lighter, sorry.'
'How can I smoke if you don't have a lighter?'
'I thought you have one with you. I saw you smoking.'
'That wasn't me. That was... what was his name... Derek, yes. Derek.'
'Don't you know something called matches?'
'Well duh, don't you know where your anus is?'
'Then don't you know matches can make fire also?'
'Well yes, but you didn't say you do have matches.'
'Did I say I don't have matches?'
'No. But do you?'
'Why do I have to tell you. Tell me something first.'
'Fine... I am bored.'
'I know. This does not count. I know it already.'
'What do you want to know then?'
'I don't know. It's your call, Derek.'
'Light the cigarette.'
'I cannot.'
'Light the bloody cigarette!'
'I really cannot.'
'Don't you have matches?'
'I didn't say I have. I just asked you to tell me something first'
'Then tell me if you have matches.'
'No.'
'Then why on Earth can't you light the cigarette?'
'Because I don't know how to.'
'Give me the matches then. I DO know how to.'
'I cannot.'
'Now bloody why?'
'Because I am just your imagination.'
'What?'
'Exactly.'
'But... How is it possible then? I mean, the cig... Wait, where is it? What the... Hey? Hello?

Fuck.

Ever had the feeling that you've been cheated.. by yourself?'

Ha-ha-ha. I actually laughed when I read through that again. What a nonsense play. It is kind of funny though. Sounds like a little short punk song. Gotta make a good name for it. I actually managed to write a little piece of theatre within 15 minutes' time. Well then again I just suddenly thought of Johnny Rotten's famous line in the Sex Pistols' last performance, 'Ever had the feeling that you've been cheated?' And it seems like it's directed to his manager quite obviously, for ripping the band off. I just find this sentence really legendary and somehow cool, especially when it's spoken by Rotten. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I just find the Sex Pistols interesting and legendary, though I am not really too much into Punk- music and outlook. Everyone can be a punk in their head. I don't really know the definition of being a punk- but I know what is NOT a punk though. Those kids who are just wearing torn clothes, scottish skirts, tight pants, smoking weed, wearing boots and having weird haircuts and think they look cool aren't really punks i guess. I mean, I wouldn't know what is in most of their minds, but I am pretty sure it can just be as simple as 'it's cool, but I actually don't even like it' or 'it's in, everyone is like that so I am gonna be like that also.'.

Whatever.

Be brave, think different, do different but don't pretend to be different.

By the way folks, don't get me wrong. I don't have any feeling of being cheated at all. No worries, dear. I just suddenly decided to write a monologue ending somehow with this famous sentence.

Really. I was just bored. Guess it's time for some Einstürzende Neubauten or Cabaret Voltaire. So long, folks. ;-)