I don't know how I should feel.

Finally it rained. Twice at least. Oh dear it is raining again. I am just wondering if I should at all feel happy about the storm. Now the wind's blowing straight into the windows and the rain's falling straight into the apartment. It seems like I can hear Johnny Rotten's voice screaming into my ears- now it's fucking raining and are you happy with it you bastard? Well in a sense I am- at least it does rain so the act of cancelling the trip to Macau is reather reasonable and of vision. And it's not like I hate storms. Then again I was quite looking forward to this trip since I don't need to get online that often anyway. I'd rather actually do something and get inspirations for my blog. Then again I really like waiting somehow- the feeling of expecting something, the exictment, remember? So the rain is actually something I have been wishing for, maybe. In a sense I love it because it gives me one more excuse not to go out and lock myself up in the little room I own, or do I own it? I don't know what I'm trying to point out here.

Humid summers are the worst of the worst. You just feel like a steamed fish lying half dead on the plate, struggling in the heat and moist, feeling there's a thin sticky layer of crap all over you. You can barely breathe freely since the air is just first of all so bad and now so warm and humid. It sucks. It's boring. It's fucking boring doing nothing in an apartment in summer. I wouldn't mind doing nothing on the street in winter, I really wouldn't. Can you imagine- just staying at home and sitting on your chair, doing nothing in a room just as big as your testicles can make you sweat like you are having wild sex. Well of course only the sweating part I'm feeling now.

Today I woke up at around 2pm maybe. I was reading till, probably 5am again since I know it'd be of no use for me to wake up early anyway. Smoked a cigarette with an extremely empty stomach. I was smoking really fast. It was a roll-up and I was just puffing the whole thing non stop. Then the weird feeling when you smoke too much comes- I have not come across such a funny feeling for a few months already. It was in a sense nice, when I managed to overcome the nausea and all the funny feelings that came after the roll-up. I feel like shit whenever I smoke in my room actually. Not because of the nicotine, it's just something in my head. I don't understand why can't I smoke freely and take my time while smoking? I am getting 19 for fuck's sake. Well of course I cannot drink whenever I want to- then again the legal age is 18 which was nearly a year ago for me. And I would not be able to go out and drink anyway- it IS expensive to dring in pubs in Hong Kong, considering the rather reasonable price for alcohol in supermarketes. Also the night buses are shit expensive that you can simply get a few beers in the supermarket with the fare. Then again even if I go out late in the weekends, I would have nothing to do except drinking- all sorts of drugs are expensive and hard to get in here, even things as simple as weed. I am jealous of the Danes. I am bloody jealous of the Canadians. I am fucking jealous of the Dutchs. I feel like I am living in a jail.

Then again, I just think all I need is a few good shots of vodka alone.

Can't blame anyone, though.

No fun.