it's been a week

Haven't written for quite a while. No I'm not dead. Not physically. I don't know. The rain, the clouds, the darkness just makes me extremely lazy and blue. I don't really know what I'm doing these days. Nothing probably. The enthusiasm for working and studying hard has pretty much faded(as I expected).

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the albatross

he wanted to fly like the albatross
so he made two wings with feathers and metal wires
he put the wings on and he jump off the cliff
'look at me albatross now i can fly...'

it was a thursday night
clouds are black and cold
stars are crying and trembling
in the cradle of the moon

he didn't know that it was thunder's day
whoever flied in the sky would be struck
he wondered why there aren't any albatross
how could a human boy know of these rules?

lightnings blinded the boy
thunder bolts burnt his clothes
the boy was scared and helpless
gliding alone in the storm

the albatross were staring at the boy
but none of them spreaded their wings like an angel
he raised his arms and he waved them so hard
'look at me albatross at least i tried'

albatross, albatross
why won't you save the boy
why has no one told the poor one
not to fly on thunder's day

he wanted to fly
and he's not afraid to die
so he put the wings on
put the wings on
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I've been drawing and writing a lot while I should read more for my theatre class, raping the plays by over analysing it like everyone else in class to get better grades. I'm losing track of my German. I haven't been to math classes for over a month. I, well at least have still been eating. I haven't been drinking for a month or more, I don't remember. Have you noticed how many 'I's there are? It's funny. I don't know. My phonebill came a few days ago. Finally. Luckily I don't have to pay too much. I rarely phone or get any phonecalls in fact. My synthesizer came finally by the way. I don't know if I have mentioned it before. I am trying to write songs. That albatross thing might be the lyrics for my first try. It looks so amateur though.

There's not much I have thought of recently. I am sick of Hamlet and anything that has to do with Hamlet. Crows have disappeared. It's the rain. Or maybe winter's coming. I don't understand. I don't know what I don't understand. Maybe it's about time to think again about who, or what I am. I'm a person. No, I'm a crow. A crow that doesn't know how to talk to other crows. I have realized my inability to communicate. It seems difficult to communicate with people, crows or plants. I am Hamlet. No. I am sick of Hamlet. Sick of Ophelia, Gertrude, Claudius or even Rosencrantz and Guildenstern. I have found out I know a little bit of everything but don't excel in anything. That kinda sucks. I don't know. I am not saying I have doubts about studying theatre. I said I will hang on to this and I will. I don't have anything clever to say when people are analysing plays. I can't write clever essays like everyone else does. I can whine though. I think I am actually good at that. I, I, I! Have you ever had the feeling of having a melody, no, not even a melody, a single chord stuck in your head and you just can't get rid of those couple of notes? Or think of a line from a play you have done or read. Or something that you overheard from some random conversation on a random bus during a random bus ride on a random day.

I don't know what I'm talking about. I suddenly don't feel like writing. This post doesn't really even worth to be posted. I guess I should go and think of something clever to say and post it here.