Things are starting to go weird

I just realized my phone bill has not arrived yet, which is absolutely ridiculous and weird. I don't know what they are going to do to me. Maybe I will not be charged at all, who knows? I was stupid enough to send them an email asking where my phone bill is, though. I also am really lost in choosing courses for my next term since I don't know if those courses are worthwhile and suitable for me. I don't feel like eating again. All I ate today was a plate of fries. I only had one meal on thursday I believe. Same to wednesday. I wrote my theatre essay but it looks like crap. I lost the ability to willing to sleep, or rather to tell myself to sleep. I was apparently too pushing and bring pressure. The food goes on sucking in the dining hall, and being extremely expensive, I don't think I have had a meal which I actually do feel happily full with food which taste above-average for that price since I came. I would even prefer living on cold sandwiches and microwave/instant food for the whole term (being Asian, having warm food nearly all the time has become a habit- but that can be changed of course).

Anyway what's the point? I'm just ranting because I suck at studying, I am not interesting, I bring pressure, I am not talented since I only get a 5 in IB theatre, I don't know enough, I don't know the things I should, I am lazy, I never did things I should, I am asian, I am not social, I an hungry, I can't convince myself to go sleeping, I am not tall enough, I like to talk to myself, I like to be alone, I don't understand people, I don't know how to please people, I don't like partying, I try to care about stuff but I end up making things worse, everything that is, I am not artistic enough, I am not clever enough, I don't look good enough so I could make a living out of my looks, I am not rich enough so that I don't have to worry about anything, yet I am not poor enough so that random rich people will pay me for my whole life.

I should just shut up and get a life.

Again the crows have disappeared.

As Björk sings right now 'you're gonna have to find out for yourself'...
Whatever that means to me right now.