there must be something wrong

There must be something wrong. Something terrible. From friday onwards, I could never concentrate for more than 15 minutes; kept having shadows and shades going here and there; I also could smell there's something wrong in the air: it smells, dead. Just so dead that it's not like the quietness or silence I like anymore. I am afraid something horrible might happen to me or something like that. I don't know. It is really scary this time. I can hear very strange flowing water and dripping voice out of nowhere suddenly. I hear people whispering or talking to each other very far away from me, very quickly and anxiously. What is wrong? Even the crows are gone. Completely gone. It even looks like that the souls of the trees have moved away. What is it? Do They know what's wrong? Is that why they all left? Why am I left here with this strange feeling growing in my head? It is like a baby. At the beginning it feels kind of funny, then it grows bigger and starts to move and turn around, which makes you feel weird. In the end it feels so heavy that it is just fucking unbearable. Finally, really fucking finally you have to go through a massive amount of pain to get the whole thing out. (But once you let it out, you love it until the day you die.) But no one else could notice it growing this time. No one else. Not even myself. I am just suspecting.

Have you guys ever had such a feeling before? Having bad visions and dreams all night when you have your eyes closed, and having shadows around you and vertigoes in your head all day when your eyes are open, physically open at least. This has happened to me before I am sure. Bad visions lead to bad stuff. Really bad visions and feelings and sensations and dreams this time lead to really really really really bad stuff I'm afraid. Am I going to get hit by a source 4 light when I am working in the theatre? Am I going to get a electric shock? Or am I just going to die suddenly, say, a few minutes later? I am not scared of those.

I am afraid that, I don't die after whatever it is happened.

Maybe all I need is just a cup of hot coffee and someone to cradle me.
Or maybe simply a glass of good vodka and someone to hold me.

I think I just need to hide behind a daisy petal and moonlight to warm me.