So I only made it to day 3.

Is it good or is it bad? I don't really know. I did feel a little bit bad about starting again actually. My floormates are a little bit disappointed at me, well at least they say so- but when the hell have I started to care about how the others think about me? I mean, I am not going to do it like... a old train or something- Just that, I don't really see any reason for completely cutting it down, and have a fairly large amount of coffee or drinks whenever I feel like smoking. I think it is worse.

It is some time like 8am in the morning and somehow I am awake already- probably because of my final blow last night. 4 shots in a short period of time, then went to dinner- and that was it. I couldn't stand it. So, being not too sober, a nice gentleman whom I don't know at all gave me a cigarette. It was of a weird, weird brand but I didn't seem to care. I was mumbling words, or well, I tried to speak sentences, trying to explain it was my day 3 and I couldn't stand it anymore and blah blah blah... well, being a nice man he was, he did not seem to care why I wanted a cigarette. He might thought he should not reject a poor little chinese boy's request. I should actually, maybe start quitting again- or should I not?

Nah. It's not like I do care about how you guys think. What the hell am I supposed to do when one half of me says yay and the other nay? Go crazy? Eat a crocodile (thanks Hamlet.)? Ha? Aye, I am going to have a German presentation in 2 hours- and I somehow have a really bad sore throat. Maybe because of the coffee, maybe the vodka, maybe my brain. I am supposed to wake up now, not half an hour ago. Now my 'alarm' 'rings'. 'Shine on you crazy diamond...' Gee it is such a nice song- but does it give me a good morning? Njah, does it REALLY matter? Life isn't anything especially cheerful at the moment.

I suddenly think of a line of lyrics from Evita the musical.

'Don't look down, it's a long, long way to fall.'