It's raining...
... and I don't really have anything to do. Most people have moved back in, but still it is quiet 'round here. Talked to vittu and T. quite a lot today and well, I can't really say if I got better and worse. In a way I learnt new things and forgot old. Maybe I haven't forgotten the old. I don't know. I just can't keep wondering if it is what it appears to be or if it is actually something which everybody around me knows but not me. But I also keep reminding myself that I am no one to care about it anymore. Usually things are like, you know, the valuable part was the experience, the part about how you did the thing, and the outcome is not as important in comparison. In this case I would really just want to convince myself that this time it is not like this. That was it and we are done with it. Burn the photos, tear the letters, drop the gifts and erase the memory. Or what can I do? I am not really making sense here, I know. It sort of feels like that I am already over it, I don't really know. It really depends what lies behind. Have I been really told everything or have I been told nothing?
Then again, who am I now to care?
Not really anyone too special anymore I guess.
Got to wake up early to get books tomorrow.
Maybe it is time to move on. Or is it? I said that I can get over a person in a snap, and I can also never get over a person, it all depends on what I decide to do. I am not very sure but I'm drifting towards the former. It might be better for me and also for everyone else. Then I would not have suicide thoughts, alcoholic tendencies (that I know I always will have), and also I would not go around and whine like a cry baby as I always have been like.
Sausages really do expire I guess, some pigs live long, some live short, some just don't die. I guess soon I will know what kind I am. At least I hope.
P.S. If anyone of you wants to kill yourself by slashing wrists, listen to my advice and don't. It: a) takes a hell lot of effort and time if you don't have a decent blade; b) takes around 30 minutes even if you have a decent one. a) is partly by personal experience, b) is just something I read in a book. Try carbon monoxide though, you fall asleep and you look pretty afterwards- you do get a reddish pinkish blush on your cheeks when you are really done.
By the way don't trust the word 'forever' and just, don't really use it when it comes to something serious. Don't trust it either.
Tja.
Oh wonderful.
I don't know.
Hoppala.
Hopp-la.
Know where those come from?
--Anonymous @ Sunday, January 08, 2006
3 Comments:
First,no need for suicide,no matter how much it might sound like a cool idea, it s just cheating yourself,unless you are doing it for yourself..
Do you think she will cry for you forever,no...even the tears will not let anyone do such a thing.
Secondly,forever word...sucks i guess,just like false hopes.
And please dont misunderstand me and think that i m so cruel..I have to be harsh,because the more the others sound soft and merciful, it would bring more false hopes..Make yourself believe and accept the worst,then when sth really small happens,it will make you feel happy.
As long as it's not Raining Men, there is always hope! ;)
It might sound impolite or out of order or what the fuck ever that I am joking when I know you feel crappy. The point is, I see that everyone else is kind of trying to pitty you and/or give you compassionate (corny/dreamy) advice, which, in my own experience, makes everything a lot worse.
So forgive my attitude but the fact of the matter is:
You should never be worried about runing after two things: Women and busses... there's always another. ;)
About suicide (to all you wristcut-loving (smudging the carpet), jumping-off-of-buildings (destroying someone's million dollars BMW) maniacs: Here's the real deal:
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=manly_suicide
And one last thing, Derek ljubavi:
It feels horrible and it will feel horrible for a while (that's for sure). But it will go away and you will feel better (which is also for sure).
So hang in there and save some cookies for me as well!
Love you, always,
Kabooom
Oh come on, everyone knows Derek is too hot and pretty to commit suicide. He would ruin his good looks :D
Be online tonight! I will be too!
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