the heat is still here but the dreaming is gone. escaping and forgetting myself, immersed in a synthesized world seem to be my first priority these days. lapses between lapsing into lapses from lapsing back to reality are the most painful. the touch of nothingness becomes so strong i switch mode automatically once my consciousness is conscious. music seem to possess a therapeutic value recently even more than that of before. detachment-escapist is a sacred and risky occupation. visualizing sounds is by far my favourite method nowadays when anything else is scarce. seeing everything around you fade into a blast of sand in all and no colours, deforming and reforming into pictures, objects, sounds, feelings, mindsets. what more can one ask for? i looked into the mirror when i woke up this morning and it took me more than a second to recognize who i was looking at. i smelled the stale air in the apartment when i recognized who i was this afternoon and it took me more than five minutes to recognize the smell of fried eggs. i looked at the person who came into my room and handed me something to eat and it took me more than a second to recognize that person is my mother. i looked at my room turn into a explosion of rainbows with a grey overtone and it took me no time to find the best comfort ever. another lapse. wooden tiles curl and bend like earthworms. an army of earthworms marching crawling diagonally across the apartment towards me when the crowd claps and cheers. plastic cords turn into chords in their image form and slowly builds up into an ecosystem of itself. somewhat reminiscent of my depiction of the early earth. i looked into the mirror again. i see no bars wielded across my eyes and that confuses me. leaned against those bars a mere ten minutes ago and the mirror told me they are not there. someone told me there is no fun staring at a blank wall. i told someone watching the wall turn from white to glowing yellow as it disintegrates into a pile of mud and hardens as a storm of sledge hammer rages from the heaven below is not fun indeed but it is better than staring at the wall.

plus i do all these when i am completely sober. i dare you to do it like me. the hardest part is not being caught. start running. now.